it'll be a solo one.


i dont have room in my life for any extra luggage anymore.


people who lie to me about things,
13 year olds who spread false rumors,

and a girlfriend who wont ever stop lying about her past,


are all things that are being cut.


along with people who talk about me behind my back (i.e. about my sexuality) when its none of their business.



lauren told all of my friends "that im crazy".

so, fuck it. im starting over. clean slate.

new screen names, new myspace, new everything.

i dont have time for lying attention seekers.


not anymore.


its really about time i started living MY life,
instead of cleaning up someone elses emotional mess.

instead of putting my dreams to the back burner,
im going to pursue my happiness.

between the 30th and the 5th, mom is recieving a check for roughly 20 thousand dollars as Duke's settlement.

i will be recieving 1 thousand of those dollars.

we are buying me a plane ticket and i am going to new york.

mom has a friend who is in the Cosmetology Union and work for the NY Opera in Manhattan.

i will be staying with him, and my Aunt Sally, in her Manhattan apartment and possibly her house in the Hamptons.

i have the option of travelling either to California or North Dakota, but i have decided that instead i will see if i can get enough money to travel to Japan.

however i will need someone over the age of 18 to accompany me, and i am currently searching for a companion.

at this date, there is no set time for my return from either NY or Japan.


although Japan will definately be a temporary stay, as my VISA would expire, and they are very fierce about getting citizenship.

life is looking up.


way up.

theres nothing like spending six months of your life
devoted completely to someones daughter,
cleaning up after they fuck with her head.
they make fun of her for having an anxiety disorder,
and i calm her down.

she battles an eating disorder, and i help her out more than anyone else.


and then today, they say that two people they barely even know are family before me?

fuck them.

news hits you hard,
especially bad news.

but its nothing major, really.
it never really is. and that, i am thankful for.

but at this point, ive given up on you. sorry?

not really.